I'm still trying to figure out how to make lemonade as I sit here and type this. In a nutshell the last 24 hours have been an emotional roller coaster. I took my eldest, who I will refer to as Magoo here on my blog, to star ship hospital yesterday to see the orthopedic surgeon and the chronic and complex pain team. I knew that yesterday was going to bring hard news but knowing it in advance simply takes the shock factor away. It certainly doesn't make it any easier to hear. Magoo has to have major surgery to correct a major lumbar deformity (scoliosis of the spine.) Major is the operative word. In mid to late summer (in my half of the globe) she'll under go 6 hours of surgery to insert a metal rod down each side of her spine and then screws into every vertebrae on one side and every second on the other. The rods themselves are screwed into her pelvis to stabilize them. The metal will weigh between 5 and 10kgs and in addition to the new metal Magoo will have bone grafted between each vertebrae. Some of the bone will be harvested from elsewhere in her body, other bits are donor bone.
This is news my mother's heart finds hard to hear...why is it my creative spark deserts me right when I need it to help me escape? To light the darkness and help chase away the numbing effect of the black dog?
I created the artwork above over a year ago, probably closer to 2 yrs ago.I did it for the 'share a secret' call out for Seth Apter's book and it says "There's only so much a Mother's love can do...Love alone is not enough" these are the times I was referring too. Times when you wish with all your heart that you could kiss and make it better. Times when you feel helpless because all you have left to give is love and no matter how strong that love is it's simply not enough...
9 comments:
It is awful to feel helpless in the face of problems that we can't solve, especially when they involve our children. You feel like taking up the burden and carrying it yourself. Is that what you're doing? It is a heavy load to carry and your daughter's burden isn't any lighter. Take good care of yourself and be well. xox
I wish I knew how to make lemonade out of such a heartbreaking situation. When I had to face my daughter's illness I told myself to plod, one step at a time... just one step. Facing what was directly in front of me felt better than taking in too much at once. Writing about your journey .... sharing your thoughts here might be all the creativity you can manage right now and that's ok. We are listening and sending thoughts of strength.
Well oh dear :( This is a mom's worst nightmare.
I have a friend here that has a daughter who has had
similar surgery (rod inserted in spine). I encourage you
to read her blog and contact her to exchange info/courage
or whatever you might need. She is a fabulous lady and has
faced scary situations with her daughter more than once...
she is a beautiful, humorous and generous. I'm going to
tell her about you and your blog and perhaps if it is meant to be you
two will connect. Here blog: http://norecess4mom.blogspot.com/
I agree with Robyn, just take it one breath, one step at a time, so it doesn't overwhelm you. Your creativity is there lurking inside, but sometimes we need to take a break just to deal with, "what is" And I remember that piece you did and I still love it! xo
A sad posting, Lisa, and my heart goes out to you. I think of my son and imagine trying to be in the same position as you and it wrenches away at my heart real bad. I really hope that the short(ish?)term pain brings long term gain.
God bless
Debs
So sorry to hear the news Lisa. My heart goes out to you all. Hopefully, in the end, the experience will leads to better health and a better situation. We will all be thinking of you and your family.
My heart goes out to your daughter, you and your family. It is true- somehow, no matter what we do, mother's love never seems to be enough. Just know that your support will be recognized and loved all the more- sometime when we are our at our most helpless- miracles seem to happen. My thoughts and prayers are with you. hugs Jill
I try to remind myself that they do surgery because it works....and I do hope it will help your dear daughter greatly.
I am sorry she and you have to go through this.
Oh Lisa - I am not sure if this will be a consolation, but my niece had a very similar surgery earlier this year. She has a very large but benign tumor removed in one round of operations, and then a second surgery where they inserted rods to correct the damage done by the tumor growing there. But the god news is this year she started college and is living a very normal life. I will keep you little one in my thoughts is the days to come. And you too.
Post a Comment