Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I lost my way...

This blog has been calling me for a few months now. Like an old friend waiting to catch up with me. Finally I visited my own blog and spent some time trawling through the archives and remembering the moments of joy, satisfaction and peace that I felt at those particular times. Suddenly it occurred to me that the old friend waiting to catch up with me was actually me. I've lost my way this year. If you remember my 'society is a nest' theory then you know what I mean when I say that over the past year my nest has been threatening to crumble. Little fibres that once held so strong have been made weary and some have fallen. My nest is not what it was and it's been hard to adapt to the new one. Some parts of my nest have required so much energy that there's little time left for anything else. At times there's been so much pressure on me to keep it together and it's taken all I've got.

I've no art to share, no photos, nothing amazing. I totally disengaged from that creative side of me. I've even packed away my art supplies. When I packed it all away I did it out of necessity for the space. Doing so made me feel like I was saying goodbye to who I was. Was is the operative word. As much as I didn't want to pack it away the reality is that I wasn't using it either. What sort of artist doesn't create? What sort of photographer doesn't take photos except for the purpose of trade me? (like ebay.) It saddens me to admit out loud that this is what has happened to me. In part due to depression and in part due to a whole lot of other factors. I used to think that when life throws you lemons you make lemonade. What I've learnt is that lemons are sour, acidic and hard to swallow... sometimes you can't make lemonade. Although it may sound like I am feeling sorry for myself I'm not. I think I've finally started to stop grieving for the loss of the nest that was and am starting to move on. I am adapting to my new nest and that has to be a good thing. I'm bent not broken and for all that was lost I've had the strength to get this far. It's true when they say, that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I've contemplated all sorts of things lately. A photo a day blog, just to keep my toes wet and the window to the blogging world open...who am I kidding? 0 photos to 1 photo seems like a easy enough choice to make but it's not where my passion lies. A Simple Living blog...well that's close. I may not be simple but my passion to live more like that is alive and kicking. If not more so as the rest of my world turns to chaos more often than I'd like. A home education blog. Nah...I do it all day, do I really want to write about it at night? Why a blog at all?? That's a good question. Why do any of us blog? There are so many answers to that. Not having an active blog has inevitably led to not keeping active in the blogging world. I read some but don't comment. Usually I only read when looking for information or motivation. I come and I go with no commitment and no emotion because that's all I've been able to handle.  I've 'liked' the work of a few of you on FB but mostly I've become the visitor that was. Was here. I miss the connection, the different opinions and experiences. The warmth shown to me and the acceptance. I guess those are the things that motivate me to want to write again , so here I am, saying hi. Are you still here with me??

4 comments:

ArtPropelled said...

Hi Lisa, I'm certainly still here with you and have wondered when you would come back to us. All in your own good time. I knew you were dealing with a lot of pressure and I'm so sorry you've had to deal with so much more than I originally thought. One step at a time as you rebuild your nest. You are one strong lady.... that I do know. Hang in there my friend. I'm so glad you are back xoxo

Found art blog said...

I'm here too!! Hope you come back in some way...!

Irene said...

I'm still here with you and will be in whatever form or shape you decide to come back. It was good to get this sign of life from you and to find out how you are. I think just writing about what's on your mind in general would be fine. Why don't you try that? xox

Caterina Giglio said...

Hi Lisa, I am here for you, I know you have been dealing with so much and when we are under such pressure, it seems to squelch the creative spirit. Hang in there, art will find it's way back to you.. xox